This Rock n' Roll BlackGrrl's High Life

what i've been doing since you heard from me last

: 1queenesther; July 13th, 8:08

Current Location:: Portland, MA

Current Mood:: calm

Current Music:: Cheap Sunglasses - ZZ Top

and when is the last time you heard from me, really?
it was cold and bleak, and winter just kept going and going.
and now summer can't stay long enough.

this is kind of in chronological order, more or less.
yes, i'm leaving out quite a lot and no, you can't know everything.

i worked on the book and lyrics for a jazz burlesque musical. done with act one, sketched out act two. loving the process, loving the disappearing into the script and coming up with things i didn't even know i had in me. loving that.
i reconnected with a lot of old friends via facebook, of all things. we picked up right where we left off, like no time at all had passed. how about that?
polished off another bio, another book about the music industry, a book about black hair that is a total naval gazing triumph (if there is such a thing) and picked up 4 more that have become essential summer reads. currently reading lena horne's bio stormy weather. so far, her life is quite the monsoon...
i detoxed. yes, it wasn't that hard and no it didn't last long enough. if i'm smart -- and let's face it, i really am -- i'll do it again before the end of the summer.
i got a lot of stuff off my chest that had been bothering me for quite some time by writing a slew of songs. apparently, there was no other way to say it. i'm being told by those who would know that it's my best material so far, which kind of skeeves me out because i really didn't want to believe that i had to endure that kind of misery to come up with something so beautiful. but hey -- at least i've got something to show for what happened besides wrecked nerves and a broken heart.
i worked on an idea for a book that would basically be me stitching my old/new blog kudzu, mon amour together with a bunch of photos and songs and postcards and stuff, to make a poppy little memoir. l like the idea of giving the reader something to listen to while they read my little stories.
i started taking guitar lessons from kelvyn bell (rythymeen), james blood ulmer (harmelodics on blues on me) and lenny (i hate reading guitar tabs) at nyc guitar school and practicing all the time because i want to play out by the end of the year.
i got hitched, to a really cool guy that "gets" me -- and he totally loves me and adores me, anyway. we did the deed down south, we jumped over a broom. my handmade african dress had a four foot train. the most triumphant moment of all? my 92 year old Daddy walked me down the aisle and gave me away. yes, he's an artist and no, he isn't a musician or an actor. or a pseudointellectual. thank Jesus.
i did gigs all over nyc and whatnot, and picked up a biweekly residence for the month of august at a lovely room called duane park -- which, interestingly enough, reminds me a lot of torch.
i took a meeting with Garry Veletri at Bug Music to let him hear what i'd been up to and i let JC tag along because he hadn't seen him in awhile and we're coproducing that jazz cd.
i did a lengthy interview with a nice polish lady music journalist for an online sonic magazine -- out of warsaw, i think. she found me on last.fm. yes, i'll post it here and no you won't be able to understand a word of it. i like poland. yay.
i had a blackgrrl's night out with gina and tanya in soho that had us running from one end of broome street to the other.
i threw myself a birthday cocktail party at tailor and baked my own cake. how else would i know if it was any good? only the best for my buddies. and yes, it was red velvet.
i started to grieve and i am still grieving and i will probably continue to grieve for the rest of my natural life. so help me Jesus.
had a great 4th of july on a farm in appalachia -- the georgia end of things.
i lost a little weight and will probably spend the rest of the summer slowly becoming The Incredible Shrinking Woman until i get back into everything in my closet. i'm doing this by working out everyday and surrendering my subway pass -- at $2.25 a pop, i was happy to let that go, and unless we get another monthlong monsoon, i won't get another one. That weight loss had better happen by the beginning of September. Not only do I miss my pencil skirts -- Byron Lars gave me a beautiful dress on my birthday and an open invitation to raid his sample closet. yee-haaa!
i started clearing out my oh-so-layered and ever-expansive junk room. the one with the upright piano in it. yep -- this is going to take awhile...
i finished my medical narration voice over demo with dan duckworth at voiceovers unlimited in chelsea. FINALLY! i'd like an animation demo, hopefully before the end of the year. click here to give it a listen.
because i'm determined to have crystal clear skin by any means necessary, i had a massively righteous and totally necessary spa visit to a really cool spot in koreatown that i can't get enough of. probably because of all those tasty, tasty korean/asian snacks. i have no idea what they are until i eat them because i can't read the packaging, so just about every unwrapped morsel is a big surprise.
redux on #3 -- actually, i'm still writing songs all the time, so whatever. to paraphrase sonny bono, the beat goes on. it's not like a bell is going to go off and all of a sudden, i'm not going to write any more songs about the craptastic happenings in my life -- or anyone else's, for that matter. at this point, it's way cheaper than therapy, it's better than any sort of confrontation, and it gives me a release that ultimately lets me get better at songwriting.

oh, crap. i've got so much stuff to do, it's a little miracle that my head hasn't popped off already.
more later. stay tuned.

Tags: music, new york city, queen esther, songwriting

nope!

: 1queenesther; May 9th, 10:41

Current Location:: harlem, sweet harlem

Unfortunately, Discmakers/Billboard Magazine isn't doing the Independent Music World Series this year (2009) because the economy sucks and nobody has any money -- or if they do, they're not trying to give any of it away. And they're not too quick to part with merchandise, either.

Oh, well. Better luck next year.

Yup. I can feel it. All that money? All that equipment? I'm going to fracking keep trying until i fracking win -- or take myself out by signing to a label or doing whatever else gets me disqualified. Or I get up so much money that I don't care anymore...

Tags: imws

running commentary

: 1queenesther; February 22nd, 12:47

Current Location:: harlem, sweet harlem

Current Mood:: contemplative

i let it blurt on a music thread on linkedin.com -- the question was, which route would you go? independent or major? (heh.) enjoy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it was true at the inception of rock and roll and it's true now: major label recording contracts are essentially banks that loan the artist money to make and promote music while (eventually) owning the rights to the artist's material. think about it: how many major label artists own their publishing? how many artists working through a production company that has a deal with a major label own their publishing? take note as to who owns their publishing and who doesn't: many of those major label artists had to give up a large portion of their publishing to get their foot in the door. and anyone that knows anything about the music business knows that publishing is where the money is.

interestingly enough, this and much, much more is nothing that wasn't said in 2000 by courtney love when the music industry was still reeling from the threat of napster. http://archive.salon.com/tech/feature/2000/06/14/love

you think 50 cent is a great businessman? that may be so, but one thing is for sure: he doesn't make his millions with his music. he makes his money in clothing and vitamin water, just like everyone else. jay z, puffy, beyonce, etc. they're all haberdashers, really. nowadays, it's clear that for them, music is a way to sell everything else they're doing -- the movies, the cologne, the lifestyle, the clothes and other luxury items -- NOT the music.

everything is changing. the old model is falling apart. the internet has leveled the playing field. and so has protools. and filesharing services like limewire. and licensing services like pump audio. and social media outlets like myspace and facebook and twitter and pownce and whatever. nowadays, musicians like me can self-release their work, get a ton of radio airplay, own their publishing and merch and actually make a living at this which -- ironically enough -- is more than what a lot of artists end up with when they sign a major label deal.

Tags: linkedin.com, major label contract, music, music business, queen esther

...writing and writing and writing...

: 1queenesther; February 20th, 11:16

Current Location:: harlem

Current Mood:: contemplative

so now that i've had a minute to live with the songs from both recording sessions and listen to them carefully as i roam around the city, now that i've been able to bounce them off of friends and cohorts and coconspirators alike, now that the high of being in the studio and birthing so many ideas at once has receded, i'm rethinking things. i'm becoming more and more objective about what i want to say and how i want to say it, and the little stories i want to tell. and i['m messing around with more ideas to augment what i want. so it's back to the songwriting drawing board. the songs i have right now on the rock and roll/black americana side of things sounds more like black country than a black country rock and that's got some people looking forward to a country album but that's not it, exactly. there are rock and roll songs and much poppier stuff that's coming down the pike that will balance everything out to make a picture of me that i don't think anyone will recognize. but then again, those people were looking at me for years and they never saw me anyway, so what of it. most of my spare time finds me on my loveseat with my bennett guitar, fleshing out more songs and messing around with new ideas. and there are quite a few.

the jazz project is percolating right along and will probably be finished first because so much of it is already in place. i'm not comfortable releasing any cd that doesn't have orignal music on it from me, so i'm working on at least 2 songs and they have to be arranged and whatever, so there you have it.

as it turns out, both projects are filled with happy sounding songs that are very sad, or very sad songs that are very sad. what can i say?
when i was writing a lot of this stuff, i was a sad girl.

here's a funny aside.

after a really great meeting with bug, jc and i went out for coffee at jack's in the west village. and we're talking about both of the projects and what each one needs and the songs i'm working on right now, and stuff like that. and he goes, why don't you write a love song? and i say, a love song? and he goes, yeah. you know. stuff about holding hands, walking through the park and stuff like that. and i snort and laugh and say, didn't jill scott do that already? and he goes, you know what i mean. a love song! i love you and you love me and all that. where's the love, queen? and i tell him, these ARE love songs! you don't feel the urge to rip someone's heart out if you don't love them. yeah, jc had to marinate on that one for a sec. but then he bounced back like a red rubber ball. and as he went on about love and whatnot, i realized that perhaps i'm incapable of writing a fluffy pink floaty syrupy sweet song like that. even if i did, i would sing it sardonically and snark my way through it and stick a razor blade up in it or something. i really wouldn't be able to help myself.

what can i tell you. i'm such a nice girl, really -- though only the one who truly loves me would know that for real. i suppose i got my feelings hurt way too many times. i dated one freakshow too many. there's way too much feeling and darkness and wierdness in what i come up with, even when i try to smooth everything out and make it nice and clean and acceptable. maybe i shouldn't have taken all those advanced placement english classes when i was a kid. maybe carrie was right about me, maybe i really am a freak magnet. i know who hubert sumlin is and i love him and memphis minnie and t-bone and so on. freddie king. i know who the cramps are, and i love them, i love that guitar sound that's a throughline for me to the blues and to church. the black church, anyway. that's how we threw down in COGIC. but i digress.

so much of what i'm doing are snapshots, really. everything is a snapshot. listening to bob wills while i'm knitting. flipping a buttermilk pancake without a spatula while i'm on the phone with some texas galpal, and it's totally perfect, and no one sees it but me. that bizarre conversation i had with my grandfather when i was nine. the painting in the post-impressionist wing at the met that i can't stop looking at or thinking about. chamucos, my little friend. a moment in time. a season. a project. an idea. i'm documenting my life. i'm taking pictures with my words and phrases. i'm just doing it through songs, through songwriting. and sometimes performance.

now i know the cure for what ails me: something's bothering me, something happens, bad or good -- write an album about it, then self-release it. really freakin' churn it out, wring it all out of me, get it out of my system, if that's even possible. because at this point, there are some things that won't leave me alone. so i guess that's the stuff i'll always keep writing songs about.

the less i talk about where this stuff comes from, the better off i'll be. God knows it helps to empathize. writing about someone else's heartache feels as authentic as the scribblings i come up with about my own hurts and frustrations. the good news is, i get ideas all the time.

maybe i'll write a love song about not being able to write a love song.

Tags: jc hopkins, music, queen esther, songs, songwriting

...listening and listening and listening...

: 1queenesther; January 28th, 23:41

Current Location:: harlem, sweet harlem

Current Mood:: grateful

Current Music:: Nedelle - Republic of Two | Powered by Last.fm

so ralph and i went over to kelvyn bell's place and sat around listening to everything that i had recorded all weekend. rough mixes. very rough. i don't think kelvyn had seen ralph in ages. their last guitar lesson had to be when ralph was 19. he's in his 30s now. time flies.

later, as we walked through the sunny cold down broadway like a gang of three, we ran into drummer warren smith as he exited the pioneer grocery store. i was still remembering all of us finishing a standard and just as we all stopped playing, he blurted, "don't mess with it! don't mess with it!" and everyone laughed.

kelvyn said that warren had a loft in chelsea back in the day and gave him his first gig when he first came to the city a million years ago. warren spoke so glowingly of the session and had nothing but great advice for me. i'm going to make a dreamy chocolate cake and bring it to his place on riverside drive, and listen to the jazz songs very carefully, and talk things over with him -- probably sometime early next month, before i go to the ATL. he did an incredible arrangement of a little esther philips song let me know when it's over that i performed with his ensemble awhile back. i had never heard it before and i still can't stop thinking about it. i really want to record it for this CD.

as ralph and i zipped downtown to barrio chino in his ralphmobile, he explained that i was on my way towards building a body of work that would not only precede me but would also generate work and money and a great deal of independence and freedom, if i keep my business end of things straight. his thoughts echoed my own. all of it parallels what johnny cash described in his bio -- how, when columbia dropped him and everyone in nashville wrote him off, he could put together a great road show and tour for as long as he wanted thanks to his solid back catalog and his loyal country fans. and believe me -- NO fan of any kind of music out there anywhere is more steadfastly loyal than a country music fan. i also thought of my college years and how certain bands -- like mudhoney and r.e.m. and the butthole surfers and a few others i could name -- put out cds every fall when everyone was back in school and toured in the spring, like clockwork. at the very least, they came through town on a regular basis. and every show that they did was always sold out.

but that was a long time ago, before the dollar tanked and gas prices went sky high and touring became such a hassle. it's not smart to go on tour with a band if you aren't an established artist. and when i say established, i mean everybody knows who you are and they're sick of your song already. if you are going to play live, you have to give people the full monty, as it were -- or they won't know who you are or what they're getting. not really. the live set, it has to happen if one is to be taken seriously. and there's ways to dance around it. like video. enhanced cds. a private showcase. or strategic gigs here and there.

i suppose this is common sense -- on the rock and roll end of things. it's definitely not the way it usually happens in the r&b world. and of course, none of this means anything if you don't have any songs. and by songs i mean something that's three and a half minutes long with a memorable hook that anyone would want to sing along to, and could, if they felt so moved by what they were listening to that they would somehow emotionally attach themselves to it. don't be fooled. production is one thing, but when someone emotionally sinks their hooks into a song that you've created, that means your songs have wrapped their tentacles around them from the inside out and they are yours for life.

that connection is ultimately what sells music. it's definitely the reason why i'm still listening to boston's more than a feeling after all this time. (i see my marianne walking away-ay-AAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!)

i see my mission quite clearly -- make lots of great records, and make sure they get press and radio airplay.

Tags: kelvyn bell, queen esther, songs, songwriting, warren smith

seven more songs

: 1queenesther; January 26th, 15:00

Current Location:: harlem

i showed up at 3:45pm once more with feeling, in padded velcroed snowpants i could zip in and out of, and a woolen hoodie pullover, along with my usual army issue parka. i was hell-bent on maintaining a super-toasty stance for the rest of the night. only my nose would be cold. weird, the way it was already getting dark. but there was so much light in me, so much happiness. something in me was jumping for joy already even though i was only halfway done -- the songs that had lived my head for more than a year were beginning to sound like the songs we'd recorded. the second project of jazz would start tonight.

as jc let me into the maid's room, he let me know that j walter -- everyone's favorite singer/trombonist/uke player -- was running a little late. in my gut, i knew that everything would fall together the way it would supposed to happen, just as it had for the past two days. whatever nervousness i had disintegrated as i listened to the black country rock playbacks. completely and utterly sublime. worth all the work, all the sacrifice. i knew that whenever i felt a little sad or down about any of this, i could listen to those songs and jump for joy all over again.

so j walter shows up around 4:30pm with two ukeleles. one of them was his grandfather's, a 1931 martin. somewhere in there, it's decided that this is the one he'll use with me. he transposes the song i cover the waterfront and goes over the chords, finding the right shapes. and then we sing it down a few times as jason moves around us and mics us. we are going to do this facing each other, with a mic on his uike, a mic for my vocal and an overhead mic in the room. we make mistakes, we stop and start. we listen. we access. we do it again. we think we nail it. we do it one more time. and somewhere in there, we stop looking at the paper and we listen to each other. we follow each other's rythyms and all. and we do it again. and we know we nail it. and then we do it again. and that one is even better than the one we just did.

it's exactly what i wanted: something so completely naked, so bare. boiling it down to its essence, really. it was dizzying, listening to just the two of us wring so much feeling out of that song. i love it love it love it. as we stood in the control room and listened, i actually grabbed j walter and held onto him.

as we ended, the other musicians began to show up: warren smith on drums; hilliard green on upright bass and his friend joan, who just wanted to be in the room; vincent chancey on french horn; and matt ray on piano. so much of it is a blur, but basically, we went through each song before we recorded it, then laid it down with all of us playing as one, on 2 inch tape. i did my vocals in the bedroom, while everyone else was in the main room and drum room, respectively. we did three of jc's songs and three standards. that plus j walter's song with me makes seven.

at one point, it felt like a cocktail party without the alcohol.

i've known all of them for so long and i've done so many gigs with them over the years that the listening and the connecting and the bonding was understood. we sound like we've been playing together for years because, well. we have. this music doesn't fit into the jazz flavors market in a place like the ATL, but it will give anyone that loves music a reason to listen -- and jazz purists much reason to pause.

we finished past midnight -- i had to sing rough back ups on the black country rock songs for a possible male vocalist/back up singer, so he can hear what i want him to do. and i wanted rough mixes of everything. and then it was over.

fourteen songs in one weekend. now that i think about it, that's quite a lot.

Tags: jazz, music, queen esther, recording sessions, the maid's room

seven songs (so far)

: 1queenesther; January 24th, 23:47

Current Location:: harlem

today started at high noon.

i started working on vocals right away. my friend and jason in the control room, and my voice waking up slower than i'd rather, and a chai soy latte within easy reach. and sheet music and lyrics and sunlight in a cold white room. and then naisha called. she was two hours early. would it be okay to come up and listen? and then bob hoffnar showed up 30 minutes early. so my friend runs down to the street to help him carry everything up five flights of stairs -- guitar amp and heavy padded seat and everything. more sunlight. still cold.

so there is bob, setting up his beautiful pedal steel guitar in the kitchen while i'm singing, and we're waving at each other through the glass paneled door. and then charles burnham walked up just as jc was buzzing at the door downstairs around 2pm like he said he would. all of a sudden, everyone is shoeless in the kitchen, with introductions all around. jc in a suit, looking like a frumpy accountant from the 30s as usual. charles, looking dapper in a button-down shirt and tie, and a button-front knit vest, sitting in the control room listening to bob solo. and then bob does another song that charles will play on, too. and then he's done and packing up and charles is in the not-so-cold white room and unpacking his violin, fingerpicking the guitar, playing the piano and spontaneously bursting into gospel song wonderment as jason sets up his mic and all.

what do these songs sound like? topenga canyon meets the sea islands. geechee blackgrrl singing 70s country rock filtered through her gospel soundscape. strum and twang, soulfully. bounce and sway with feeling. this sad buffalo girl and her songs of heartbreak and misery.

and did i mention that ayana shows up with her video camera to capture all this for the five minute documentary that we're going to make? i suppose you could call it an EPK (electronic press kit) but those seem to have much more in it than a show and tell video. she shot the better part of the session and caught all of charles burnham's effusive, spontaneous happenings. i figured it would be a great way for the world to meet me and get to know my sound.

somewhere within all the switching up and in and out and talking and figuring it out and all, charles and bob hug each other goodbye. it is filled with sweetness and light. it is cold and warm all at once.

naisha and jc and i carry bob's stuff downstairs to his pick-up truck and then jc goes looking for a bowl of beans and rice while we pop back upstairs and into the control room to hear what charles does with what bob has left him. i try describe to him what it is that i want. there's no technical anything in my verbal sketch. only mood and feeling and stops and starts. he takes it in, then plays. it leaves all of us gasping and it leaves me reeling. he's nailed it in one take.

"that's exactly what i wanted!" i blurt. and he says, "well -- let me do it again so i can give you more of exactly what you want!" and we all laugh. he does a fine second take. but it's clear that he got it right the first time. and then he plays on another song and knocks that out of the park. and another one. and then he is done.

somewhere in there, the guitarist shows up -- bruce edwards. unfortunately, he was downstairs buzzing while charles was soloing so we didn't hear him at the door. but no matter. it's after 4pm. the drummer sir earl grice is running late -- he's bouncing in for two hours so we can finish up basic tracks for two rock and roll songs -- but i'm unfazed because he's always right on time. i get a text from him that he's circling the block in that escalade, looking for parking. jc looks over my shoulder at my phone, reads the message and mumbles, good luck. (heh.)

everything rolls along exactly as it should.

earl finds parking and we plow through those two songs, changing the form to significantly shorten one of them -- because i want radio-friendly rock songs on any CD i do. we don't have much time because the drummer has a gig in montclair and he has to bounce by 6:15pm. but we do it, we pull it off. it feels like a miracle. he leaves, and i hug him, and i almost can't let go, i am so grateful and happy.

and then we touch and review any acoustic guitar moments in the songs. and then bruce goes home. and then we mess around with mic changes. does the neuman sound better than the mic we're using? no, not really. and all of a sudden, there's only time for rough mixes. so my friend and naisha listen as jason the engineer and i go through the seven songs and lay them down lovely.

we bid jason goodbye after washing up the dishes from afternoon tea, jumped in a cab and zipped off to a very crowded new york noodletown, where i had my favorite -- duck rolls -- to celebrate getting this far with this much. i feel like i walked all the way to east texas from west harlem. (hm. there's a song in that line somewhere...maybe i'll try to find it sometime next week.) these songs were flashes in my head for so long that it's making me a little giddy, having them out in the air, bright and shining and freefloating and unafraid. it's beyond surreal.

i don't know how long it's going to take me to get used to feeling this way. because i know this feeling isn't going anywhere.
:
oh, yeah. and you know what else? surprise! i LOVE producing music. it soooo suits me, my personality. i hear it all in my head and i am learning how to get it out of me and onto the tape. getting those performances, those moments. everyone has their style. i'm still growing mine. but i love this, i love the process, i love the sounds, all of it.

and i REALLY love the maid's room. i want to make many more records there. let's see what develops.

okay. yesterday was sir earl, naisha, bruce and i starting in mid-afternoon and laying down the basics for 5 songs that can only be described as black country rock. tomorrow is matt ray, vincent chancey, hilliard green, and warren smith doing 4 of jc's songs that sound so old and so new all at once -- very tin pan alley and full of sentiment and longing -- and one tried and true standard that i can't get enough of.

i'm hoping and praying that j. walter hawkes shows up with his ukelele at 4pm. we're going to do i cover the waterfront together -- verse and chorus, just the two of us. it will be so stark and beautiful, and depressing as all hell. at least, that's the way it sounded the last time we did it, at the apollo last september.

God is good.

Tags: black americana, music, queen esther, rock n' roll, the maid's room

writing out loud

: 1queenesther; January 19th, 1:44

Current Location:: harlem sweet harlem

Current Mood:: happy

Thankfully, I’m at the point where I can write out chord charts for all the new songs that I’ve created. When I create a chart, that means the song is as done as it could be in that moment and it’s pretty much ready to be recorded somewhere down the line, someday. I can’t sing it all out arbitrarily. These things have to be laid out just so. Ideas, themes. A mood I’m in. All of a sudden, there’s all these songs that fit. And whatever I was going through is what stitched it all together.

I’m pretty comfortable with the process of putting anything on paper -- and for me, that’s something to be truly happy about. It’s simple enough – there are no 14th chords involved – but the simplicity of it is why I do it. When everything is on paper, everyone is on the same page. Literally. Rehearsals go smoother, less time is wasted and things are much more cohesive. And it makes it easier to keep up with everything. Everybody can make their own notes or whatever. I love it.

I remember when writing stuff out was just flat-out impossible. It certainly wasn’t beyond me. My thinking was, that was something that musicians did, and I wasn’t a musician, so I didn’t do it. But I threw all of that out the window awhile ago, when I started taking songwriting seriously. I kind of had to. I had all these ideas and there was no one to get them out of me except me. So that was the impetus.

It’s definitely a growing thing. The thing is, I’m always learning and I’m always getting stuck on something so nothing feels like it’s coming easier even though I know it is because I can do things that I couldn’t before. Like write out those charts and transpose stuff and sight read and play augmented chords with both hands and so on.

My piano teacher Bill has me working towards writing everything down on sheet music – chords, melody and lyrics. I’ve done it with a few songs. When I think I’ve got it right, I usually show it to Ralph before I show it to Bill to see how far off the mark I am. And with a glance, he can see where I veered left. He explains things without talking down to me, in this really accessible, levelheaded way that makes me want to grow. Good man, that Ralph. He’s my secret weapon.

Tonight, I showed him quite a few of the new songs that I’d written out and we played through them and wrote out one of them all over again. It was a country song, a waltz, and the melody was right but the time was wonky. It’s a nice song, I think. I’m not sure it belongs on the Black Americana/electric blues CD I’m thinking of. We’ll see.

I think I’m going to want another guitar lesson from Kelvyn before I record anything.

Tags: queen esther, ralph white, songs, songwriting

about that guitar lesson...

: 1queenesther; December 20th, 2008

Current Location:: west harlem

i called kelvyn bell earlier in the week, to catch up on his goings on and such. i wanted a guitar lesson before the end of the year that would give me enough to chew on through the new year. times are tight, so these days i'm all about barter and trade. and since kelvyn loves my cooking, putting something delicious together for him was a no brainer. heh. thank Jesus i can cook and bake.

kelvyn is MD for the classical theater of harlem. it seems that black nativity, their latest holiday production, has got legs. they're talking a seasonal run at the apollo, a limited broadway run, and an indie art house film. defunkt is gearing up for gigs in europe next summer. he's got projects popping off here and there. i'm up to my usual hi-jinx, sort of. musicwise, i'm writing new songs, practicing the guitar and the piano, and bouncing downstairs to get a piano lesson from bill when i can. for both of us, the beat clearly goes on.

i don't know what got into me in the last year or so, but i am on a mission to play guitar and write better songs. i'm freaking on fire about it, actually. and to think i started this whole adventure wanting to learn my intervals, to become stronger as a jazz vocalist. i started with basic lessons at nyc guitar school and so far i've burned past the pain in my left hand, i'm learning bar chords, i'm learning scales. every day i grow a little more. it's like working out -- you burn through it and one day, poof, you've lost 30 pounds. you can't necessarily see the flab leaving your backside. and then one day, you slip into that pencil skirt that you didn't have a hope of zipping yourself into the year before. and then one day, i can play. really, really play. and sing while i'm playing, without having to think about it or whatever.

yeah. that's what it's like.

i told him that i'm revisiting the bessie smith material that i delved into when he and i met. once upon a time, i wanted him to transcribe a few of her songs for me and he laughed at me because thought it was just some more of that gut bucket blues he already knew. after the first song made it to paper, i remember him saying, with plenty of awe in his voice, "this is like ellington!" heh.

so i want to sit in with michael arenella's dreamland sextet on sunday because i want to sing this material again. i think it would do interesting things to my voice and my delivery. like when i had that burt bacharach kick and i had to sing do you know the way to san jose. stuff like that. but i couldn't help it. it was so rangy. and it made my voice explore and reach in ways that weren't necessarily in it's comfort zone. "la is a great big freeway..." but that's when i was singing at torch every week and i could mess around with a piano and an upright and i could sing whatever i wanted and nobody ever stopped me. i could sing stuff like chances are and let my voice sail through the room and something inside me would go wheeeee!!! you know? good times. (seriously.)

so yeah, i want to sit in with the sextet and sing bessie smith and maybe some sippie wallace and probably victoria spivey. so many lovely songs, so little time. and i'm stuck on learning the verse and the chorus for all of these ditties. they don't seem complete anymore without them.

never veered toward vintage clothes from the 20s. i'm way too curvy for the androgynous look. my bra size is a 36DD. how am i supposed to flatten those?

kelvyn is like, yeah, come over for a guitar lesson and that sheet music and stuff. it snowed all day. i braved the frozen tundra for the just-right ingredients and after i made something amazing, i tromped over to his place up the way through what felt like a mini-blizzard, with a guitar strapped to me and everytihng. crazy. he had his i'm-gonna-teach-you-this-tonight-so-pay-attention train running all around me at something like a million miles a minute but at the very end of it all, i was playing the chorus to the bessie smith song, my sweetie went away. playing it well enough for kelvyn to jump up and squeal. and that made me kind of giddy with, well, joy.

if i don't have another lesson from him until the middle of january, i'll be straight. but i think i'm going to want one sooner than that, so i'll know i'm on the right track.

Tags: guitar lessons, kelvyn bell, queen esther, songs, west harlem

my first rhythm lesson

: 1queenesther; August 21st, 2008

Current Mood:: happy

kelvyn bell came over last night, really upbeat and jocular and laidback, with a yellow shirt on that matched his sunshiny disposition. he lives in the neighborhood -- it took him maybe 10 minutes to get here. his guitar was in a huge padded case that was dutifully strapped to his back. surprisingly, he never opened it. i showed him my music room, with the guitars hanging above the piano and he let out this long drawn out wwwwooooooowwwwwww that still makes me laugh when i think about it. i let him play the baby bennett that i like best because it's compact and light and black. later, he would perch himself on my ottoman and scribble and observe with that guitar in his lap. but first there was much fellowship. he had never met my friend and i made dinner for us (roasted salmon with couscous and broccoli rabe) and then we had the last of the red velvet cake that i'd made from scratch a few days ago. we talked nonstop, of course. he said dinner was so good, he owed me 900 lessons. and then we got down to brass tacks.

kelvyn asked me to play my favorite song, so he could see "where i was at" (it's a george jones song called (s)he thinks i still care) and then i played a happy sounding angry pop song that i'd written called somebody else's baby that he played along with me and really liked. and then he asked me what i wanted (to play rhythm guitar, and to to be better than just good at it) and then he told me what he wanted for me (to play jazz). he was like, yeah, your americana thing is on and you've got the open chords and that's important but you have to start playing bar chords. and i was like, i can play bar chords and then i played a few. and then he got excited because my fingers are strong enough to bar, so he wrote out a chart for (Take the) A Train and showed me the chords and had me moving around the neck, strumming in different ways, naming chords and notes and notes in the scales. back and forth and up and down the neck i went, like i was running up and down and hill with my hands.

oh yeah, and he made me play with a pick. blood never does that. as a matter of fact, i don't think i've ever seen a guitar pick in blood's house, ever. and one time, i actually looked. (heh.) i pulled one out of my pocket once when i was messing around with his gibson and he snorted and asked me what i was doing. i thought, i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing, but he knew i didn't like picks and i suppose he thought i was pulling it out because he would want me to. but it's not about what he was expecting or what i was supposed to do. it's about what i'm comfortable with, what makes me happy. playing with my hands makes me happy. picks are annoying. they get in the way.

of course, kelvyn pitched all of that right out the window. he doesn't care about what i'm comfortable with -- in a good way. he's been teaching kids for years at harlem school of the arts, so he knows how to poke and prod and challenge without breaking anything and he can keep it fun. he has this academic side that's a real hassle, like making me write out charts and read things and asking me out of nowhere stuff like how many flats are in the key of F.

mostly, i realize that music is a constant learning growing thing and that it never really stops. no one knows everything about all of it. there's always something more to listen to, some new song to make. the learning never stops.

in the meantime, i'm playing bar chords in rhythm a la django, breaking bad habits and building good ones. i don't know how often i'll get a lesson from him, but between what he's given me and the piano lessons, i've got plenty to chew on while he's not around.

next lesson: roasted cornish game hens with italian sausage stuffing and scratch cake for dessert. and more bar chords, of course.

Tags: guitar, guitar lessons, kelvyn bell

songwriting, sort of

: 1queenesther; August 10th, 2008

Current Location:: harlem

Current Mood:: and happy!

it's the strangest thing.

there's almost always music in my head: snippets of songs, bits of lyrical ideas here and there, a melody of some sort that's running amok through my daydreams, my nightmares. everywhere, all over the place, almost all the time. more often than not, something stitches the song together -- a conversation with an old friend, a long walk, a strong memory that won't leave me alone. somewhere in there i find myself singing that song to myself, the way people hum while they're doing the laundry. and then the song takes shape on paper, on garageband, in my fingers as i play my way through it on guitar. still blaring in my head as i piece it together, like a radio i can't unplug.

does anyone else write songs this way?

sometimes the songs come at me, like schrapnel. instinctively, i duck and dodge. and then it becomes a heat-seeking missle. it won't leave me alone until i get it down in some form. and then comes another song, another melody, another idea. i don't feel like a songwriter. i feel like a song stenographer.

henry miller wrote of having wordy ideas while he was walking around without any way of writing them down, so he would let them wash over him and as he did, he would have these mental orgasms that would have him floating through the better part of his day, whether he was working a crummy day job or banging someone else's wife. you can't write everything down, i suppose. but when it's a song and not that last expansive chapter you've been aching to write, it's different. it keeps coming back at me, in waves.

it would be a beautiful thing, to sit down at a piano and crank something out the way songwriters used to do, a la the brill building. there's a skill and a joy in that, because you're working in a group, you're all together and where you are weak, someone else is strong so you find a way to fit together.

a songwriting partnership is a beautiful marriage. and yes, i'd love to marry the right musician/lyricist. but at this point, i can't imagine writing songs with someone else. at least, not until i get all of these songs out of my head.

here's to hoping that what i hear after the recording process sounds as good as it does right now.

Tags: music, songs, songwriting

IMWS update

: 1queenesther; July 24th, 2008

here's a snippet of an email i recieved a little while ago from the folks at discmakers/independent music world series (IMWS). apparently, i didn't make it to the top 6 but i did made it to the top 15 which means quite a bit of exposure. so in a way, mission accomplished -- but yeah, winning all of that equipment would have been a beautiful thing...

next up: SPONY on 8/7 -- it's a special MTV/VH1 edition.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello and CONGRATULATIONS!!

It is with great pleasure that I write to inform you that you have been selected as one of the top 15 bands/artists in the Northeast out of over 2,000 submissions and are invited to have one song (mentioned below) on the 2008 Disc Makers' Independent Music World Series CD ROM Compilation. We need a few things from you right away to get started! I should make it clear that you are not one of the top 6 finalists this year and will not showcase live, but being in the top 15 out of 2,000 is not too shabby!!

This CD ROM will include one song from each artist, as well as an enhanced section, which will include pictures, bios, and links to your web site.

The CD ROM Compilation is used for promotional purposes only. This is part of the contest prizes, so IT IS NOT FOR SALE and we DO NOT CHARGE YOU ANYTHING FOR PARTICIPATING. We send this CD ROM to all IMWS judges nationwide - That's over 60 top music industry folks. Plus, it goes to radio stations, newspapers, music magazines and more. Every band receives 6 copies (I'll send you even more if you ask nice). We manufacture about 10,000 total to use for promotional purposes throughout the year.

Tags: band contests, discmakers, imws, songwriting

i made the cut!

: 1queenesther; July 4th, 2008

Current Location:: harlem

Current Mood:: giddy

guess what? i'm a semi-finalist in the 2008 Independent Music World Series! like the 2008 jazzmobile vocal competition, i entered this one before, and when the deadline came up, i figured why not. i started to feel like charlie brown, with lucy kneeling on the ground holding the football with one hand going, of course i'm not going to yank it away, i wouldn't do that to you again...

wow. i've been salivating over those prizes since forever. they change from time to time, they become more streamlined, more updated, more digitized -- but the end result is the same: your very own home recording studio, with new instruments for everyone in the band.

out of this group, they choose 6 finalists to perform in mid-august in new york city. who knows if i'll make the next cut. it's kind of nice that someone at Billboard liked me enough to put me on this list at all. either way, i'm well-chuffed.

Tags: d.i.y., imws, independent music, rock and roll

the NYFA music video shoot on 6/26

: 1queenesther; June 27th, 2008

Current Location:: harlem

Current Mood:: grateful

Cindy, the producer and 1st AD for the music video class called last night to give me details and answer any questions. I was numb with excitement. I was to be at the NYFA building at Union Square by 9:30am – with outfits, my guitar, make-up, everything. I put my all into the Jazzmobile Vocal Competition the week before to win and i didn’t really concentrate on this music video shoot until a few days ago, when the smoke cleared and I could think about what I wanted to look like. yes, I called for help – a stylist here, a makeup artist there – but when those options didn’t come through right away, I had to remind myself that I’ve almost always done my own hair and makeup, and styled my shoots myself. I was so used to rolling with this singular arrangement that it almost felt odd when someone else was there to help. In a way, it’s easier when I’m on my own. I’ve been doing theater professionally and unprofessionally since forever, so I know how to do my own makeup. I have a lot of personal style and I know what I want and I have very specific ideas as to what I should look like. Everything was going to be alright.

They wanted to keep things very simple. I only needed two outfits. The day before the shoot, I decided to hit H&M on 125th St. but nothing there made me happy. And neither did anything in my closet. Frustrated, I crossed the street and walked westward. Within a block, I passed the coolest t-shirts and picked out several – one of JoAnne Chesimard, another of Angela Davis, another pink baby t that said in huge letters/symbols, I (heart) HARLEM. I was squealing like an 8 year old. Any of these could be my pajama top! Thrilled with my street finds, I pressed on and within a few yards, I wandered into a huge shop whose walls were filled with sun dresses of every ilk. Black girls don’t wear enough color, I always say – and after wandering through the entire store, I picked two of the brightest ones I could find, right at the front of the place.

I went home happy and pleased, and packed everything -- my guitar, three outfits, jack's cowboy blankets, makeup and accessories -- for the next day. Instinctively, I knew that it would be a long one.

I bounced out of bed and was half way there when I realized that I’d forgotten my cell phone. All at once, I didn’t care. I dropped an audition and a go-see to get this done. If any phone call wouldn’t wait until I got home that evening, it couldn’t be that important. This music video shoot was priority number one. Why? Because if I had to pay for this, it would cost me upwards of $20K – and these people were willing to do it for FREE. Because – independent or not -- my package as a musician wouldn’t be complete unless I had a music video to visually represent me. Because my CD deserved a music video to augment at least one of the radio-ready songs on it. Because, because, because. Sure, there are more reasons. But did I really need them? By Sunday, I would have 6 edited versions in my hands. Let the games begin.

By the time the director and the teacher and cindy looked over my outfits and made their selections and had me on the set that was union square on a bed in my pajamas clutching my guitar, it had started to rain, and we started to pray and then it slowed to a drizzle, and then it sprinkled lightly and then barely and then not at all. And somewhere in there at the 14th and university place subway entrance, with people drifting in and out of the shots, curious strangers with cameras and the crack heads that wouldn’t leave us alone, we got through it. We were all so triumphant that we got through what the weather could have turned into a catastrophe that the situation served as a catalyst that fueled the rest of the day. And with good reason. That was only the first of three scenarios.

by the time we were done, the sun was out in full blast and i felt golden. we took a final picture that included all of us, even the teacher. and i floated back uptown giddy and exhausted, to drop everything off and make it to my next appointment: a go-see that happened late in the evening.

what will this video look like? will it be really cool? will i look like an idiot? one thing is for sure: this is going to be the best birthday present i've received in a very long time.

Tags: d.i.y., music, music videos, new york city, nyfa, talkin' fishbowl blues

preproduction meeting for the music video

: 1queenesther; June 24th, 2008

Current Location:: harlem, new york

Current Mood:: optimistic

the initial meeting on monday with the team that would make a music video of the title track to my self-released CD talkin' fishbowl blues was pretty cool -- all of us in a small classroom at NYFA in union square, all of them looking at me with these hard weird stares, and me sitting in a corner waiting for someone to ask me a question and then when they did, i would yammer on and on about what my world was like as a kid and why i sometimes felt like a stranger in a strange land as a southerner in the north.

we talked, they listened to the song and read the lyrics, then asked questions. interestingly, there were quite a few foreigners in the room and just about everyone was not from the city, with the exception of the black folk -- 2 black guys and 1 black woman. oh well -- 3 out of 12 ain't bad. they had a terrific teacher. thomas was a real bright spot, full of energy and ideas, a fearless leader that prodded and encouraged them the right way. and with good reason. they only have a week to make this video. there is no time to waste.

they promised a concept by the following afternoon and they delivered. they wanted me to get into a little bed in the middle of times square wearing pajamas, with a fishbowl on a nightstand and everything. i can see it now: tourists floating around me haphazardly and me oblivious and in my own world -- er, fishbowl. there would be other shots of the city, of me roaming through the streets and whatnot. they want to keep it simple, uncomplicated. only two outfits, max. they even have a back-up plan: if they can't get a permit for times square, they'll make it happen in union square.

clearly, they took those lyrics very seriously.

tomorrow, i'm going to run around and get a lot of last minute things and settle on the dress i really want to wear. i'm really excited to see how their ideas play out visually and dovetail with the lyrics to the song. this should be interesting.

Tags: d.i.y., music videos, nyfa, rock n' roll, times square, union square

i won the jazzmobile 5th annual jazz vocalist competition!

: 1queenesther; June 22nd, 2008

here’s what happened.

round 3 of the competition was at the river room, a restaurant with large windows as see-through walls and a ceiling that changed colors constantly like an indecisive kaleidoscope. it was located at the top of riverbank state park, perched on the edge of the hudson – a few blocks from my apartment, conveniently enough. there was the washington bridge all strung up in lights and the shimmering blue water and the craggy hillside that was so beautiful, you had to be reminded that you were looking at jersey. my mother thought it looked like san diego – san francisco, even. harlem can always surprise you.

aside from taking time to talk to God and warming up my throat with some vocal excercises and a pot of lapsang souchong tea, i don’t remember what i did to prepare for the competition that day. i remember thinking that there was nothing that i could do to get ready, that in a way there is no “getting ready” at all. me in that moment was the summation of every voice lesson, every music learning situation, every gig that i ever did anywhere. and because everything compounds everything else, all those lessons i learned elsewhere – from waiting tables to that crummy soul-destroying day job – got me ready for this moment, too.

still and all, i wasn’t taking anything for granted. i needed some objectivity and a lot of feedback so i took a voice lesson the day before, from nancy marano, one of the judges from the first 2 rounds. i have to say that i love her voice – and as a vocalist, i honestly can’t remember the last time i heard someone sing and something sparked in me and i thought, wow. her voice is so warm and so full of feeling, it almost hurts to listen to her. she is so for real – there’s just no other way to put it. as finalists, the organizers of jazzmobile offered us a free voice lesson with a select group of teachers so i called her but her daughter was getting married. after the 2nd round, she gave me her card.

taking a lesson from her was the thing that made me refocus and change things up in my approach. i got rid of the songs that i had chosen and went with 2 songs that she and i picked out of her numerous fake books. most importantly, i got into the swing of things – inside the swing of the song, with phrasing choices, rhythm variations and other harmonic ideas. as nancy herself so eloquently put it: she didn’t teach me anything new. she reminded me of what i’d already known. i know what that’s like, when you’re cleaning out your closet and you find a dress you thought you gave away. and you put it on and it looks amazing on you and that whole other part of you that lights up whenever you wear it is suddenly in bloom in this abrubt surreal way that is so compelling and visceral, it makes babies and small children wave at you in the street like they know you. yeah, that’s what its like.

that’s what i brought into the 3rd round with me when i showed up on my friend’s arm, wearing my favorite silk DVF wrap dress and heels that caused enough pain to slightly distract me.

the place was packed. thankfully, there were 2 videographers and 3 photographers – though who knows who was “official” and who wasn’t. i was relieved that there was documentation. as luck would have it, i was dead last. not an especially long wait, but i didn’t have the luxury of getting it overwith and then lounging on the patio afterwards – though i did have a chance to tell naisha that my friend said that nancy was basically yoda and i was luke skywalker, and that the force was strong in me and she basically showed me how to use it. he’s quite the star wars geek. he can draw those george lucas comparisons to any situation. yoda, it seems, is everywhere.

my performance was a total blur. i can tell you that i was somewhat surprised that no one else mentioned that it was juneteenth. so i did. and i said my songs were about the south, sort of. and then i sang “willow weep for me” and “gone with the wind”. (heh.) i remember feeling that i did my best as i sank into my chair, and that filled me with sweet relief and a blissful kind of glee. i don’t think i could have lived with myself if i crapped out or something.

the judges disappeared, we did a little jam session, and then alyson the mistress of ceremonies sang and then they came back out and someone passed a slip of paper to her and she called the first name. emilio cruz, who makes beautiful horn lines out of nowhere. out came that gigantic check. he had a whole table cheering for him. it was lovely.

and then there was this weighty pause. and suddenly i realized that my stomach was flip-flopping all over the place – not because i was nervous but because i was starving. besides that pot of tea, i hadn’t eaten anything all day long. as that thought dawned on me, alyson called my name but before she did, she blurted: it’s my baby girl! that’s how it clicked in my head that i’d won.

i went up to the stage amid a flurry of cameras and flash. i felt my legs shake and want to give way. as we took pictures with the officials, the judges and anyone else, i couldn’t stop saying thank you. (i still can’t.)

i feel justified and vindicated and validated and released, all at once. i suppose i could say that i’m happy but that’s what i am, anyway. it was more than that. it’s a beautiful thing, to feel so much love from so many people, all at once. it was pure joy.

See more progress on: enjoy the second quarter of 2008 by having one new and fulfilling experience in April, May, and June. Woo Hoo!

how cool is this?

: 1queenesther; June 17th, 2008

Current Location:: harlem, ny

Current Mood:: awake

i got an email yesterday from thomas a. barnes, a director that teaches at New York Film Academy. he's got a week-long intensive for directing/editing music videos that happens next week and he wants to use one of my songs. apparently, people come from all over the world to take classes there. too bad i haven't finished the new album by now, but there are new songs that are complete. i'm not necessarily happy with them, though. but moving toward the new is where it's at.

on monday, there is an introduction wherein i meet everyone that's working on the music video. there's a pre-production meeting, we shoot me all day, they take another day to shoot other things to go with the main idea and then pow! by saturday, they screen them -- "them" being all 6 versions of the same song.

how cool is that?

my birthday is at the end of the month. i think this is a pretty amazing present.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Queen Esther,

Thanks for your interest. I teach at NYFA and we are doing a one week music video workshop next week. Checked out your myspace and your music is spectacular.

The students shoot for one day with the artist and one day for additional footage. They come from a range of backgrounds and experiences, and are usually very committed and passionate about making their music clip. Some of them travel from other countries just to do the one week course.

HOW IT WORKS:

We meet the artist early in the process to get an idea of where they are coming from and what is their style and personality. We get a copy of the track with lyrics and listen to the song.. the students brainstorm and pitch their ideas. We pick the best one and then shoot it, edit it and screen the various versions. (each student cuts a different version so you will have more than one).

Given the time frame and the situation we keep things simple, creative and raw.

SCHEDULE;
If you chose to be involved, you would need to be available for-

introduction 11am Mon june 23rd (45 mins)
Pre prod meet Tues june 24th 3pm OR Wed june 25th 1pm (60 mins)

3. SHOOT DATE ** thurs june 26th 9-6pm
4. SCREENING sat jun 28th

There’s some flexibility but the shoot date is LOCKED IN.
Also we would need to receive CD and lyrics by this Friday. MP3 also OK.

For your reference, here’s my website
http://thomasabarnes.com

Here’s a link to the last project we did-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YjsE1Xl5MM

Look forward to hearing from you about your availability as per above schedule.

Thomas Barnes

Tags: music, music videos, new york film academy

IMWS

: 1queenesther; June 15th, 2008

Current Location:: harlem

Current Mood:: geeky

here's what hit my email box earlier this week. yeah, i know -- i was a finalist a few years ago. but still and all, i couldn't stop salivating over those prizes and all that cash. and at the end of the day, i thought, why not. maybe nothing will happen -- but i can't win if i don't enter. so here goes nothing!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Queen:

Thank you for entering Disc Makers' Independent Music World Series. We have received and processed your entry. Here's what's going to happen next...

Once we receive all the entries, they'll get shipped to TAXI for the first round of screening. Approximately one hundred Semi-Finalists (per region) will then be shipped to Billboard, who will select the six performing finalists for each showcase.

Although there may be some changes to the following schedule, here are our target dates for announcing the Semi-Finalists and Finalists for each of the respective showcases:

WEST
June 9 - Semi-Finalists announced
June 25 - Finalists announced
July 17 - Showcase in Los Angeles

NORTHEAST
June 30 - Semi-Finalists announced
July 16 - Finalists announced
August 14 - Showcase in New York

SOUTHEAST
July 16 - Semi-Finalists announced
July 30 - Finalists announced
September 11 - Showcase in Atlanta

MIDWEST
August 13 - Semi-Finalists announced
August 27 - Finalists announced
October 16 - Showcase in Chicago

Announcements will be made on the IMWS website and all entrants will be notified through the mail prior to the showcases. Finalists will be notified by phone.

We anticipate the Billboard Guide to Touring and Promotion, Electronic Musician, Remix, and DRUM! Magazine issues will mail shortly after the announcements of the finalists for each region. These all mail directly from the publishers, so each will arrive separately and their schedules may vary.

For all information and updates, visit us online at http://www.discmakers.com/imws/ or email imws@discmakers.com.

Good luck! I hope to see you on stage!

Sincerely,

Gino Vasquez
IMWS Coordinator

August 14
Add to Calendar

Tags: band contests, imws, music, new york city, rock and roll

yes, i'm STILL in the running...

: 1queenesther; June 14th, 2008

Current Location:: harlem, sweet harlem

Current Mood:: happy

it was a picture perfect beautiful day. i took it nice and easy: the gym and all the pleasantries that come with it-- steam and sauna, a nice hard sweat and a good long soak. what better way to start the day? gets the blood pumping, keeps my body second guessing, gets my brain going. i hope it's a habit that i can hold onto.

there was an audition for a commercial in the early afternoon that had me in and out in no time. i rehearsed with my piano teacher the day before and had some great feedback from him, so this week, the sheet music was definitely ready. and so was i.

this 2nd round of the competition was no less daunting than the first. i took it very, very seriously.

somewhere in there, i thought through what i would wear and then all of a sudden i was wearing it: a green and white vintage DVF wrap dress. i walked to the alhambra ballroom, which was just beyond the stage door at the apollo theater. everything came in flashes through bursts of sunlight and the kind of glee that can only come from heady anticipation: the senegalese children playing in the street; the old church ladies that greet me like they know me; black girls, strutting through garbage, their hair so pristine; students milling around; crackheads everywhere; painfully well-dressed africans laughing and carrying on in french; the stagehands at the backdoor of the apollo who still know me and love me; the modern urban griots, in their robes, with their staffs, standing on the corner like black moses, pleading with "the man" (whoever that is) to let my people go. go down, moses. go way down.

i rounded the corner, went through the lobby and jumped on the elevator with the pianist radam schwartz who says he got my music and he made a few chordal embellishments here and there. i'm thinking, groovy. i slid past the welcoming table and into a large sun-drenched ballroom with huge windows and a balcony. they set up a buffet and a bar at the back of the room and served up the usual suspects for $10 a plate. unfortunately, i was too nervy to eat a thing. as i greeted friends, and chilled out all over the room, i waited for instruction and detail. soon, the main directive was handed out: we would be going in alphabetical order this time. this meant that i would be fourth.

there were quite a few friends there from the neighborhood and a few who weren't. it felt like a really lovely little party -- until i realized that they weren't going in alphabetical order. we had one list and the mc had another and they were completely different. after the 3rd person, there was nothing to be done. instead of getting it overwith early on, i was next to last, which kind of freaked me out. but i seem to perform well when things are dire and i don't give any thought to whatever is going to come out of my mouth.

i sang you go to my head and on the sunny side of the street. it was all a blur.

this time, they let the judges go into a room and hash all of it out. in the end they chose only 4 finalists to go to the last round: emilio "wheatie" cruz, la re, danielle eva and me.

as my friend and i walked to acapulco caliente for some well-deserved, fairly amazing, world-class mexican food that always floors my buddies from texas, we had this long winding somewhat philosophical conversation about music and art and process, talent and technique, talent versus technique and the mechanics of performance. i was suddenly overwhelmed with an intense feeling of gratitude and humility, that God would give me a real artist for a husband -- someone that i could really talk to about things like this. because so much transcends genre. but really, amongst the hoi polloi that call themselves artists and musicians and actors and such, there is a lot that is ego and insecurity and emotional immaturity and jealousy and bitterness and issues and sometimes a distinct inability to verbally express a clear thought. not that there's anything wrong with any of that but there's everything wrong with all of that. thanks to the love of God, a great therapist and a lot of work on self, it's a messy convoluted jumble that i stepped away from a long time ago and i work very hard to avoid at all costs.

he carries none of those things. he is himself, with his ideas and his work. and when we come together like this, we talk, simply and honestly, in this really open way that allows both of us to be totally vulnerable with each other and truly share. in a way, it means a constant intimacy that makes me feel naked with him all the time. naked and safe.

but enough about my love life and my fiance. next week, round 3. it's going to be at the river room -- that spot that sits right on the hudson, so beautiful. the celebrity judges are dr. william "billy" taylor, grady tate and ts monk.

Tags: jazz, jazzmobile jazz vocal competition, music

still in the running...

: 1queenesther; June 3rd, 2008

Current Location:: harlem

Current Mood:: ...and glad!

Current Music:: maze "the golden time of day"

so i was getting ready for the jazzmobile jazz vocal competition on 5/30 and i felt a strange twinge in my gut all day and i didn't know why. maybe i was nervous about what i'd wear. maybe it was stage fright -- but that wasn't my thing, at least not that far away from having to be onstage. maybe it was the fact that i didn't know who i was competing against. as the day wore on, that feeling grew and grew until it was almost as though someone was poking me in the stomach. why?

i went through a mental checklist of what to do, what to wear, when to get there and so on. somehow, everything unraveled the way that it was supposed to, and i stepped into the flow of things. i decided to wear an orange and white pretty-patterned vintage diane von furstenberg wrap dress, cobalt blue steve madden vintage looking shoes, and my favorite bracelet of mah johng (it's not supposed to be jewelry but that's probably why i love it so much). i didn't wear any make-up because i didn't want to constantly fret about whether or not my mascara was running or how much lipstick was on my teeth. my hair did whatever it wanted to do, as usual. the next thing i knew, i was walking down 7th avenue south, looking for the entrance to the venue.

still and all, even after i was all set and perched in a restaurant around the corner from the gig, having a bowl of lentil soup and a chai soy latte, that "something's wrong" feeling wouldn't go away.

i got a hint when the pianist showed up and said that he never recieved my sheet music. this after i broke my neck two days before to do as i was told and fax it to the promoter, with confirmation via telephone and in print. as an afterthought, i brought the music with me. i really didn't have a reason to bring it because i'd already sent it, so i don't know what made me do that. probably God. there were 12 of us. i had to go first.

so i gave him the music and that feeling subsided but it didn't go away completely. i looked at the sheet music again, this time over his shoulder as he organized everyone else's material. and then it hit me: one of them was in the wrong key! i had sung the song a million times and yet i couldn't remember what key i sang it in. what kind of a mental mind fart would keep me from remembering the proper key? i could hear it in my head but i couldn't say it. this kind of mix up hadn't happened since my infamous Harlem Song audition, when i sang "Am I Blue?" almost an octave lower than i should have. (i got the part anyway because the music director Zane happened to like female singers with low voices -- but what a weird ride it took to get there.)

panic-stricken and with less than 10 minutes to start time, i grabbed my phone and started calling every side man i could think of that had ever heard me sing it. the last call i made should have been the first call: my brother ramon, the bassist/arranger/composer. i got to him in a roundabout way, of course. his call interrupted the comiserating chat i was having with his wife denise, and she promptly clicked over and told him to call me asap. and he did! in a matter of nanoseconds, he was sounding out the proper key, i was changing it and all of a sudden, that feeling in the pit of me completely disappeared -- so much so that i had to wonder at the end of the evening if it was something that i had imagined. (it wasn't.)

crisis averted -- but i shudder to think of what would have happened if i hadn't listened to my instincts. here's the kicker: i'm still in the running. thanks to a healthy dose of paranoia, i made the first cut. we started with 12 -- and now there are 8.

the morale of the story? don't ignore the signs that God sends you, no matter what they are.

next up: round 2 on thursday 6/12 at the alhambra ballroom in harlem.

Tags: jazz standards, jazzmobile jazz vocal competition, music, vocals

Previous 20

1queenesther

This Rock n' Roll BlackGrrl's High Life

A Cautionary Tale

Advertisement